Six Feet Under

To have to watch someone die is painful , doubly so if that person is your closest friend , triply so if it is your sister . To watch them wither away is hard , especially when there is nothing you can do . My sister , Lilith , was only seventeen ; two years older than I , and yet here she lay , suffering from an incurable malady . I knew she didn’t have much time left ; soon she would fall unconscious and never wake up . The disease was a slow-moving one that took the unfortunate victim quietly in their sleep , but it made them suffer for months beforehand .

“ Samuel , please don’t cry . ” A cold , shaking hand grasped mine , and I looked through the thin veneer of tears that filled my eyes . There Lilith lay ; her golden hair spread around her like a halo , and the only healthy thing on her person . Lilith’s sapphire blue eyes burned with an unnatural intensity , like she could see through my calm façade .

“ I’m not ... ” I replied , trying to keep my tears from overflowing . She smiled ruefully , tugging me closer to her . Lilith reached out one hand , stroking my cheek .

“ Please , if you’re going to cry , let it out . You don’t always have to be strong for me . My time is coming , and there is nothing we can do about it . ” she whispered . I nodded , the salty liquid finally flowing freely down my cheeks . A drop landed on her skeletal hand , and she lifted her arm , peering at it .

“ Beautiful ... ” she muttered , more to herself than me . Lilith had always been able to see the beauty in things , no matter how ugly or sorrowful it might seem to any other person . I shook my head , releasing her hand to wipe away the tears that flowed from my eyes .

“ I don’t understand how something so full of despair is beautiful . ” I muttered , my voice cracking halfway through the sentence . She smiled , and for an instant I saw a sliver of her old self shining through the wraith she had become .

“ The way the light shines and the reflections within this tiny sphere ; all are wonderful things . It also represents the sorrow you feel for my imminent passing and that makes me feel wanted and appreciated . ” she explained , letting the salty water run down the tip of her finger and into her palm .

“ Your words make little sense to me , but that is normal . But perhaps I can understand a little of what you say . ” I pondered . Lilith had always helped me see the world through new eyes . She always knew just what to say to make someone see something from her perspective without forcing them to reconsider their ideas .

She turned her head , sapphire eyes meeting a paler blue . “ Perhaps you should leave ... ” she said , brushing a strand of golden hair out of my face . “ I need my beauty sleep after all . ”

I smiled , appreciating the effort she was making to jest about her situation . I stood , walking over to the heavy door and yanking it open .

“ Perhaps I should after all . I shall see you tomorrow ? ” I responded , the tone of my voice making it a question . She nodded , and I closed the heavy oak door behind me .

Walking through the empty halls I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive . I could see that Lilith’s time was coming but none of the family seemed to care . This household seemed to live in its own realm of perpetual twilight , and everything carried the illusion of being rendered in black , white and red .

Even when the midsummer sun shone high in the sky, there was a chill coating this place . The long empty corridors were dusty and neglected , the sun never making its way through the moth-eaten curtains . A large majority of the dark wooden furniture was covered in white cloth , apart from that which was needed . Most of the mansion was under lock and key , as the five or so people that lived here had little need of the expanse of rooms available .

The family graveyard only added to the dark and dreary setting . Buried there was generation upon generation of Bellaumonts . The yard had a certain ... atmosphere , I guess you could describe it as . The shadows that gathered seemed darker than most , and stretched over the long rows of graves impossibly . The air was heavy , and seemed to carry in it a sense of despair . It was difficult to breathe sometimes . Even the plants were wilted , pale shadows of the pictures I had seen . Once beautiful , the cold , lifeless air seemed to have drained the health of the flora to within an inch of the plants’ life . Much like Lilith , I supposed . Like the flowers decorating the cemetery , the aura of death surrounding my sister has worn away at her .

Sighing , I started down the dark corridor , my quiet footfalls breaking the ominous silence that held sway . Ambling down the dark hallway , I let my thoughts drift of their own accord . I was getting far too wound up lately , and I needed to find something to take my mind off things . Wrapped up in my thoughts and worries , I barely registered the sounds of conversation from my parents’ quarters as I passed by .

“ Henry , I’m worried ! ” my mother said , concern tainting her voice . Curious , I crept over to the door , pressing my ear against it in hopes of hearing the conversation more clearly .

“I know , Judith , I know . ” Father sighed , and I heard the rustling of fabric as someone moved .

“ You know how close Samuel and Lilith are ; he won’t be able to cope with her death . ” my mother informed him , garnering another sigh from her audience .

“ But what can we do ? We can hardly send the boy away , and even then he knows that she will die . ”

“ Still , Henry , what shall we do ? I fear that this will send him over the edge , they are that close ... He is sick with worry already ; I don’t know how this will affect him . ”

“ I know , I know , but there is nothing we can do about it . Lilith is going to die , no matter how much we wish it to be otherwise . ”

They ... they were worried about how her death would affect me ? They weren’t worried about her , and instead were concerning themselves over me ?

I had heard enough , and only wanted the dark oblivion to comfort me .

Life just wasn’t fair sometimes !

-------

Lilith’s condition had worsened overnight . I now knew that she was going to go in the next few days , as opposed to the weeks I thought she had left . Terror gripped me , making me feel sick . I was angry – a pointless , fuming rage directed at nobody in particular , and more at the injustice of the world . How could such a kind , fair and beautiful person as my sister be allowed to die , when there were millions of murders and scumbags living perfectly comfortable lives ?

“ Samuel , I’ll be fine . ” A voice interrupted my musings , and I focused my gaze on the source .

Lilith looked ever worse than before . Coughs wracked her thin frame , and her skin looked like parchment , only whiter . And her eyes ... her eyes burned with such painful intensity , as if her will alone could sustain her .

“ No you won’t . You’re dying , Lilith . Nothing’s going to change that ... ” I muttered bitterly .

“ Don’t be like that . ” Lilith said , frowning . “ You’ll move on . Things will get better . ”

I sighed , standing . Not wanting to argue with her while she was in this state , I left the room under the pretence of getting something to drink . When I got back , I just hovered uncertainly outside the closed door . I don’t know how , but I felt like something bad had happened .

No ! Oh dear God , no ! It couldn’t be . She couldn’t have died while I was doing something as trivial as getting a drink !

No , no , no . Lilith was fine – well , as fine a she could be in her state . Everything was going to be alright for a little while longer .

I pushed open the door , making it slam against the wall in the process . I noted distractedly that I seemed to be in the habit of doing that , and quite a few rooms had dents in the wall from the handle .

I barged into the room , mouth opening , though the words I wanted to say had vanished . There were people crowded around Lilith’s bed , though most of them had their backs to me . I could see my mother’s tear-streaked face – her eyes red and puffy from crying – ignoring my father’s efforts to comfort her . Her green eyes were bloodshot , and for the first time I realised that she had probably been as worried about my sister as I ...

I stood there in shock and disbelief , the information not sinking in – no , I was refusing to let it . Lilith couldn’t be dead , not my sister , not now ! She was supposed to have weeks left , so why now ? All I had just left for ten minutes – ten measly minutes – and I come back to find her dead ?

My vision blurred , and tears that I wasn’t even aware of tricking silently down my cheeks . Quiet sobs wracked my frame , but I wouldn’t let myself say anything . All I could think about was Lilith , and that she was gone . I would never talk to her again ; never see that bright , happy smile . Never have to put up with her incessant teasing that I hated so much .

My eyes drifted to her body of their own accord . Absently I wonder why it was that when people died , they were a corpse or a body and not them . People always referred to so-and-so’s body , and not them . It was like they weren’t people anymore , even if they were dead .

Lilith looked like she was merely sleeping . There was such a peaceful expression on her face that I almost believed that , and I wanted to so much . She couldn’t be dead ; there had always been too much life in her for her to pass away .

I was so overcome by despair that at first I wasn’t sure about what I had seen . I thought I saw her hand twitch ; the fingers curling slightly before going slack once more . I thought I saw her head roll slightly to the side with no outside interference , and I thought I saw her hair stir slightly from a non-existent breath .

Then everything was like before , and nobody else seemed to have noticed anything strange . People still crowded around her still form , and still I stood unnoticed in the doorway , my tears finally dried .

“ I saw her hand move . ” The words spilled from my mouth ; unintentional and of their own accord . I hadn’t meant to say it – didn’t want to mention it . They would write it off as grief ; that I didn’t want to believe that she was dead . My mother looked up , her eyes widening when she saw me standing there .

“ That’s ridiculous . Lilith is dead ; how can she move ? ” Ah , my cold , callous father – he never cared for delicacy . Sometimes I wanted nothing more that to see him break ; for him to show some shred of emotion . It drove me insane sometimes , seeing him so cold , indifferent and uncaring .

“ I saw her hand move ! I know I did . ” I exclaimed , trying to get my point across . The other people in the room – my mother , aunt , uncle and three servants – looked at me like I was crazy . Maybe I was , but at that point I didn’t care .

“ You were obviously imagining it . Dead bodies don’t move , isn’t that right Judith ? ” Everyone nodded in agreement of his words , adding their own points and concerns . Some of them outright said I was insane and shouldn’t even suggest these things , and others didn’t say anything , but I knew that they thought the same thing .

“ But I saw her fingers move ! They did , I saw it with my own eyes ! ” I was screaming by the end of the sentence , almost hysterical . Why couldn’t they believe me ? Why wouldn’t they listen to me ? If she was still alive , then they would be condemning her to death before her time by burying her !

I blanched , throat tightening until it felt like I couldn’t breathe . If she was alive and they buried her , she would die anyway .

But she’s dead , the rational part of my mind said , trying to ease my fears . I sighed , my anger and worries slowly easing vanishing , leaving me suddenly exhausted . All I wanted to do was sleep , and get this horrid day over with , or – better yet – never wake up .

-------

I didn’t go to the funeral . It would be too painful to see her lying there . Too definite ; too certain . It would mean accepting that she was really dead , and at that point I didn’t think I would be able to just yet .

I was trying to keep from thinking about Lilith’s death , but it was impossible . It was always in the back of my mind , bugging me . There was also a niggling feeling that something was horribly wrong , and that it concerned my sister . Somehow , I felt that what I had seen wasn’t merely a hallucination ; that she was alive when they had pronounced her dead . If this feeling was right – if I wasn’t insane – then she would have been buried alive ; unconscious , but alive .

That was when the guilt started creeping in , along with the curiosity .

-------

To be continued ...

Surely I was going insane . Yes , that was the only feasible explanation for what I was seeing . Lilith could not be standing before me . She could not be there ; perfectly healthy , smiling at me while a strange corona of white light surrounded her form .

Maybe I was dreaming – that was always another option . There was the fact that I was perfectly awake , but it was still possible to dream . There were daydreams , though they were different from normal dreams .

So maybe I wasn’t dreaming . Maybe my mind had conjured up a horrible illusion to trick me into doing something I didn’t want to . Maybe it was divine interference . Maybe I was being illogical . Maybe I was using the word maybe a little too much .

I felt a light , careful touch on my face . Scrambling backwards , I yelped before catching sight of the person . Lilith stood there , her expression cautious , one hand stretched out in front of her , the fingers slightly curled . She looked ... nervous . I don’t think that I had ever seen her look so apprehensive before .

“ Samuel , don’t be afraid . I’m not going to hurt you . I ... have a favour to ask . ” she said , her melodious voice exactly as it had been before she fell ill . I crouched in the corner , petrified . How could someone come back from the dead ? Surely it was impossible , and unnatural . Maybe she was here to take revenge on me for letting her die .

No , I couldn’t think like that . It was their fault for not listening me . Rage slowly overtook me as I thought about the people that had let her die . They were all closed-minded fools . Family is family , but I didn’t choose these idiots to be related to me , and Lilith had suffered the consequences . They had buried her alive – I was certain of it .

“ I need you to put me to rest . You have to take care of the people that killed me . Make them suffer as I did . ”

But I needed to make sure . Maybe she really had died , but I had to be certain . Lilith may be dead now , but if they had made her suffer , then I would make them experience the same thing she had .

So , I needed to dig up her grave .

It pained me to defile it – really it did – but I had no choice . I wanted ; no , needed to know what had befallen my poor sister . If my family had hurt her – made her suffer in any way , shape or form – then they would pay . I would get my retribution , and Lilith could rest in peace .

But if they had done nothing , and she had passed away peaceably , then I would let the matter rest and get on with my life .

“ ... uel ... Samuel ... Sam ... Sam ! ”

I felt a hand slap me , hard . My cheek stung furiously , and I raised a hand to it out of instinct , wincing as my fingers touched the afflicted area . I was sure that the right side of my face was an angry red .

“ Listen to me ! ”

That was when I remember the dream-Lilith , though perhaps it was a figment-of-my-imagination-Lilith . I tensed , half expecting the glowing imitation of my sister to attack me again . After all , Lilith was dead , she couldn’t be here .

Could she ?

“ I want the people that caused me to suffer dead . ”

Well , that was blunt . I’d never seen Lilith so bloodthirsty . She was normally such a kind person .

But this coincided with my already established aims . I was going to find out what happened to her , one way or another .

And so I ignored the figment of my imagination , instead marching out of my room , only pausing to slam the door behind me . I didn’t have to look around to know that the Lilith-thing was ghosting after me .

I found the shovel several minutes later in the garden shed . I knew it would take time , and it was the middle of the night so there wasn’t much night . I hadn’t been sleeping well lately , so I was tired , but I would dig all night if I had to .

I would do anything to find out what had befallen my sister .

-------

A scream rent the air , but I noticed it only dimly . There was a strange dampness all around me , and something warm streaming down my cheeks . I was only half-aware of myself .

Before me was something horrific . Lilith’s eyes were wide and glassy , her mouth twisted in horror and pain . Bloody furrows ran down her cheeks and marred one beautiful , ice blue eye . Her hands were covered in trails of dried blood , her nails torn and ragged . The ends of her fingers were red and raw , and I saw a hint of white poking through the torn skin at the end of one delicate digit , along with splinters of wood from the casket .

The roof of the coffin was covered in trails of blood , and large pieces of the beautiful dark wood had been torn off along the grain . Even the sides had received this treatment in a desperate attempt to escape .

An uncontrollable wave of fury swept through me , washing away all rational thought , leaving darkness in its wake . The scream I hadn’t realised I was voicing turned into an anguished , vengeful roar , and I snatched up the shovel . They did this ! To their own family no less !

And I would make them pay ! All of them !

-------

I stood amidst a field of carnage and bloodshed , and it was all my doing . My father lay on the floor , my mother beside him ; his skull bashed in with the spade and her windpipe crushed until she could no longer breathe . Their faces were twisted in horror , but I only felt a sense of dark satisfaction . They were part of the group that had made Lilith suffer , and I had exacted revenge on them in her place .

The carpet was stained the most beautiful shade of red , still fresh from the insanity that had embraced me . My uncle’s arm lay beside me , his other limbs and pieces of his body spilling their lifeblood on the cold , dark wood of the corridor . My aunt lay face down , a bloody hole in her chest where I had used the axe I had acquired from the woodshed to carve out her heart . One of the servants lay in the kitchen , no marks on her body . I had force-fed that one rat poison from the cupboard . Beside her lay her friend , stab wounds all over her body , lying in a sea of crimson blood , a kitchen knife still protruding from her body .

Now here I sit , writing this , hoping that one day someone will see things my way . I’m not insane ; they killed her . It was their fault , not mine . They deserved what they got , and I enjoyed every minute of it ! Now my sister’s voice whispers in my mind , saying I have done well , that I should be proud . Maybe I should be , but my life isn’t worth living . If I left this place , I would get lost in the wilderness , and if people find me here then I will be questioned . I don’t want to have to listen to their sympathy , their incessant chatter . I don’t want to be an orphan .

So now I walk these hallowed halls , this darkened yard , trying to think of what shall become of me . Perhaps I should just take my life , as it is not worth living . There is no point anymore ...

“ You did the right thing . " my sister’s voice whispers in my ear .

Revenge is a sea of blood , and now I add mine to that crimson river ...